Let Go of Perfectionism in Parenting with Breathe LOVE

Mother practicing deep breathing to overcome parenting perfectionism

Perfectionism in Parenting: Learning to Let Go and Lead with Love

When Parenting Feels Like a Performance

I used to think I had to get parenting just right. That if I could do all the things “perfectly”—bedtime routines, screen time limits, homework supervision—then I’d feel like I was doing a good job. But somewhere along the way, I started to realize that this pressure to be perfect was stealing something really important: my peace, my presence, and my joy.

This week, I had a moment (okay, a full-on coughing fit during a live video) that brought all my perfectionist habits into the spotlight. And instead of spiraling—like I used to—I did something different. I sat in it. I let myself feel the emotions without judgment, and it reminded me of a powerful truth I want to share with you.

Why perfectionism in parenting is making everything harder

Here’s what I’ve learned: trying to be the perfect parent doesn’t actually make me a better one. It makes me more anxious, more reactive, and more exhausted.
So when that coughing fit hit during my live, I instantly felt embarrassed. My mind went into overdrive:

🟣 “Why didn’t you mute yourself?”
🟣 “Everyone’s going to think you’re unprofessional.”
🟣 “You should probably just re-record it.”

It wasn’t just the moment that got to me—it was the story I started telling myself afterward. That’s the thing about perfectionism in parenting: it creates this constant loop of pressure, shame, and self-judgment. And that’s not helping anyone—especially not our kids.

How to stop ruminating after parenting mistakes

There’s this really interesting concept I’ve been learning about—emotions actually only last about 90 seconds in the body. That initial surge of embarrassment, frustration, or sadness is just your nervous system reacting.

But here’s the key:

I didn’t get stuck because I coughed. I got stuck because I kept reliving it in my head. I started beating myself up, imagining how people would judge me, and telling myself I “should’ve known better.” That loop? It went on far longer than 90 seconds.

That’s why recognizing the difference between an emotion and the feeling behind the emotion is so important in learning how to stop being a perfectionist parent.

How to stop being a perfectionist parent: 3 real-life tools I use

1. Use the Breathe LOVE mantra to deal with mom guilt and perfectionism

I created this mantra years ago while running my in-home daycare, and I still use it today—especially when perfectionism shows up loud and uninvited.

Here’s how you can try it the next time you're stuck in a shame spiral:

🟣 Breathe
Pause and take a slow, grounding breath. It signals to your nervous system that you’re safe.

🟣 L – Listen
What story are you telling yourself right now? “I failed.” “They’re judging me.” “I’m not good enough.” Acknowledge it.

🟣 O – Observe
Where is that emotion in your body? Maybe your chest feels tight or your jaw clenches. Just notice without trying to fix.

🟣 V – Validate
Remind yourself: This emotion is valid. It doesn’t make me a bad parent.

🟣 E – Empower and Embrace
With each breath, let go of the pressure to be perfect. Give yourself space to be human and make a mistake.

This is one of my favorite ways to release mom guilt and perfectionism in the moment.

2. Give yourself permission to practice parenting without being perfect

This right here? It’s where the healing begins.

I used to think every moment had to be done “right.” Now, I’m learning that progress over perfection. Parenting is a long game. You’re going to mess up—and that’s not just okay, it’s expected.

So when I watched my kindergartener meltdown over a coloring assignment, refusing to quit until it was “perfect,” I saw a mirror. He learned that from watching me. And that broke my heart a little. It reminded me that if I want my kids to let go of the need to be perfect, I have to show them how.

So now, I say things like:

🟣 “I made a mistake, and that’s okay.”
🟣 “We can try again tomorrow.”
🟣 “It doesn’t have to be perfect—done is better than perfect.”

3. Reach out for support instead of staying stuck in your thoughts

This one is still hard for me, but it’s made the biggest difference.

I used to keep everything inside. I’d replay the story and dwell on the guilt, self-doubt, and shame until it spilled over. Now, I’ve learned that talking it out is what brings relief.

After that tech fail and coughing episode, I messaged my coach and the women in my mastermind group. I said, “I messed up. It felt terrible and I was so embarrassed.” And you know what happened? They reminded me it was no big deal. That it was human. That it didn’t define me.

Sometimes, just saying it out loud is enough to break the shame cycle.

If you’re learning how to let go of guilt in motherhood, this is a big one. Don’t go through it alone. Find your people—whether it’s a friend, coach, or online group. You deserve that support.

The parenting mindset shift that changed everything for me

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is this:

Your kids don’t need a perfect parent. Be a real person who learns to recover from mistakes.

When we learn how to release perfectionism in motherhood, we start showing up more present. We become more patient. We model grace and growth.

Perfectionism makes parenting harder, heavier, and lonelier. But releasing it? That’s where the connection lives. That’s where we find rest. That’s where we remember that being calm, confident, and rested isn’t just possible—it’s necessary.

Want to practice this right now? Start with the Breathe LOVE mantra

The next time something triggers you and your perfectionism starts to creep in

Pause and Breathe. Come back to your body. Three deep breaths can ground you.

Use the Breathe LOVE mantra. It’s my go-to practice for calming the chaos and resetting with intention.

🟣 Ask yourself a better question: Am I breathing LOVE or Fear in this moment? Am I learning or bringing in judgment?
🟣 Reach out to someone you trust. Share what happened to help you get support and move on.

💜 Want a simple visual guide to help you remember the Breathe LOVE steps?

Grab the free Breathe LOVE Guide I created to walk you through it.

This small shift—this Mindset Moment Reset—can bring big peace, especially on the hard days. Parenting without the pressure of being perfect is possible. You’ve got this.

Key Loving Lessons Learned in this episode:

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Resources mentioned to help you keep learning & growing:

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Ready to help your BABY sleep through the night and settle into a NAP SCHEDULE that works for you and your family? Contact Loving Lessons Sleep Solutions for your postpartum doula support/ baby & toddler sleep coaching needs. Set up a time to connect here on my calendar.